“If there was one thing you could do differently, which, by doing it, would mean that you are making progress, what would it be…?”

Many of my conversations with clients start off with this question (or a variation of it).  It’s a great question – it bypasses any automatic conscious responses and invites people to imagine a life without their problem and the first steps they could take to help get them there.  Sometimes, just by talking about it, clients go off after their session and can be surprised to find themselves beginning to do that very thing that they suggested to themselves during our discussion.

Last night I read this post on a blog I follow.  In it, parents ask their children “If there was something I could do differently that would make me a better parent, what would it be?”.  The children’s responses are varying degrees of hilarious and heart-warming.  I think the one that touched me the most was: “Stop saying you are fat or ugly.  It isn’t true and it makes my head hurt every time you say it”.  It really illustrates exactly how much of what we say and do our children pick up on and how important it is for us to be aware of our own negative self-talk.

I (somewhat nervously) decided to ask my three girls the same question this morning – if there was one thing I could do differently that would make me a better Mummy, what would it be?

Their responses?

>  Ella (age 7):  “Try and keep your temper more often”

>  Mimi (age 5):  “Be nicer to yourself so you’ll be happier”

>  Lola (age 4):  “Don’t shout so loudly”

Difficult to hear?  Yes.  (I’ll admit that I got a rather large lump in my throat once they’d all solemnly given their suggestions).  Truthful?  Yes – I’ve slipped back into old habits of shouting instead of keeping in mind the peaceful and positive parenting practices that I’m working hard to adopt.

So now I’ve got a couple of parenting goals to work towards (in addition to the other stuff I’m working on).  And that’s ok – parenting, like anything else in life, takes practice.  Working as a therapist certainly doesn’t make me immune to wanting to continue to develop myself and grow and become more of the me I want to be.  If anything it makes me more aware that I still have ‘stuff’ to work on.

Now it’s your turn…

“If there was one thing you could do differently, which, by doing it, would mean that you are taking the next step forwards to what you are aiming to achieve in 2014, what would it be?”

Leave your answers as a comment below!

 

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