I watched this video this morning and thought I’d share it with all of you – partly because it got me thinking about some things, and partly because I have a feeling some of you (you know who you are) might find it useful right now…

I’ve had a couple of conversations with John – about this time last year I think (or maybe it was the year before – I’m not sure!).  At the time I didn’t really know what I wanted to get out of them.  Looking back now at my notes from those calls, it’s interesting how much of what I’d said I’d like to do I actually made happen.  It seems that admitting to yourself exactly what it is you want to do can be enough to get you started on setting the intentions to make it happen, which then leads to taking the actions to make those intentions a reality.

Little by little, step by step.

Recently I feel like I’ve lost my way a bit with what I want to do with my work.  It’s been more about managing the clients I have and balancing that with life at home.  I feel like I’ve lost sight of the bigger picture of where I want to be, and put the feelings of excitement about the future life I want to create on hold.

I think I recognised this a couple of weeks ago, because out of the blue I contacted a friend/colleague of mine about having a couple of coaching sessions to help me get myself back on track.  This video is just another layer of a convincer that I need to do something about it because it highlighted what I said above – that I’m not admitting to myself what it is I really want or believing in myself that I can achieve it.

So here goes – I’m going to share my ‘secret dream’ here.  Well, I say dream.  It’s not really a single dream, or goal, or ambition.  It’s not as easy as that.  It’s not tangiable enough (yet) to be able to summarise in one concise statement.  It’s more of  ‘life dream’ – what I want my life as a whole to be like one day.  I’m a bit nervous about putting it out there – it does seem a very long way away at the moment.  Out of reach.  A bit… far-fetched and unattainable.  And therefore silly.

Thinking back to when I was a teenager, I remember sharing some of my ‘big plans’ with my Mum and stepdad – what I wanted my life to be like, all the things I was going to do.  I was so passionate and enthusiastic and excited about it.  I remember the sharp feeling of devastation I had when they laughed (not unkindly – more of an ‘oh, she’s so innocent and idealistic’ kind-of-a-way).  I HATE being laughed at.  I remember them telling me that those things would never happen, that life doesn’t work like that.  I remember them saying that I was a ‘dreamer’ (as if that’s a bad thing!) and that I needed to be much more realistic if I was going to get anywhere in life.

It’s taken me a very long time to recognise that that’s their model of the world, and that actually, life can be whatever you want it to be if you are willing to put in the hard work and time and effort to make it happen.

Anyway – I’m avoiding what I need to do.  Here it is – my Secret Dream:

I want to create a life where I can divide my time between all the things I love to do – therapy, coaching and supervision work; writing; and photography.  They won’t be ‘work’, because they don’t feel like work when I do them.  They will however each bring me a significant amount of income – enough to double (at least) my current earnings.  I want to have a minimum of two family holidays per year and to have the freedom to be able to choose when I ‘work’ and when I don’t, so that I have quality time to spend with my girls, my (soon-to-be) husband, my family, my friends, and on my own.  I want to expand my knowledge – do some courses, maybe even a degree(!), just to prove to myself that I can and so I can learn about different things that will complement my work and benefit me and my family.  Through my therapy work I want to change the way eating disorders are treated – firstly in the UK and eventually in the USA and Australia.  Through my photography work I want to create unique and personal images that capture memories, inspire others and help people realise how beautiful they really are (inside and out).  I’d love to have my photos as part of an exhibition somewhere someday.  I want to explore lots of places that I haven’t been to yet – I want to rediscover my bravery and be open to having adventures and say ‘yes’ to more things.  And at the same time as all of this I want to live more simply, to slow down and really appreciate the moments that make it all real, to connect with everything that’s important to me.

It’s all very big picture, and vague, which isn’t me at all.  I’m much more of a detail person.  Precise about things, knowing each step of how I’m going to get somewhere.  For some reason I’m ok with being vague about this.  I know that one day I’ll get there, and that all of the things I’m doing on a day to day basis are getting me a teeny bit closer to it.

I think John’s right – we all have secret dreams.  By sharing mine with you I feel vulnerable and empowered at the same time.  Do you dare to be vulnerable too, by sharing your secret dreams?  You never know… it might just be the difference that makes the difference in helping you achieve it.

Feel free to leave a comment below, or if you prefer you can email me privately to share your dream.  Once you’ve shared it, there may be ways in which we could work together to help get you closer to where you want ot be – if you are interested in discussing how, you can contact me here.