How many times in a day do you say “yes”?  Think carefully.  Now compare it to how many times you say “no”.

Surprised?

I was, when I figured out my yes-no ratio (through the use of a highly innovative and scientific method – a tally chart!).  I thought I was much more positive and affirmative than I turned out to be.  Some of you might find that your ratio is the other way around – that you say “yes” far too often and give so much of yourself to others that you have no time left for you.  Sound familiar?

This post is all about finding the best yes-no balance for you.

Saying “yes” has led to a great number of wonderful things in my life.  One of the most recent big occasions was saying yes when my boyfriend (now husband) proposed.  Before that other examples have included saying yes to having each of my three gorgeous girls,  saying yes to doing the Quest Institute Cognitive Hypnotherapy training course, saying yes to taking on a room at Harley Street, saying yes to giving talks and presentations even though I’m scared of standing up to speak in front of a roomful of people, saying yes to going travelling…

Saying “yes” doesn’t even need to be a big thing.  Little things matter too – those ordinary, every day moments of saying yes to things that are good for your soul.

And yet even though I know the benefits and positive outcomes of saying yes, I still seem to find myself saying “no” an awful lot.  Mainly to my girls if I’m honest, but also to myself.  “No, you can’t do that because…” and then giving them (or myself) some kind of lame excuse disguised as a legitimate reason as to why they (or I) can’t possibly say yes to that particular thing.  This is something I need to stop doing – it’s no fun saying no all the time – to them or to me.

Having said that, sometimes saying “no” can be a good thing.  Many of us get asked to do things that we don’t really want to do but feel we have to do so that people don’t think badly of us.  Many of us find it difficult to say no for fear of missing out.  Saying yes when we could really do with saying no means we end up spending time on stuff that could be better spent somewhere else.  In situations like this, finding a “no” that works for you can be the key to preventing overwhelm, letting you focus on your priorities and  do stuff that you actually want to do.

So you see, it’s all about balance.

Say yes to the things that feel right.  Say yes to the things that you know will take you closer to where you want to be (even if you don’t particularly want to do them – sometimes you do just have to put in the work knowing that it’ll pay off in the longer run).  Say yes to trusting yourself and your instincts and being honest and authentic with who you are and how you want to live your life.

Say no to the things (and people) that drain your energy.  Say no to those things that keep you stuck where you are.  Say no to those things that don’t light you up inside.

I’m doing my best to say yes to having more fun.  To breaking my own self imposed (and frankly ridiculous) rules that in turn I impose on my girls (like only being allowed to have crumpets for breakfast on a Saturday for example.  Why on earth can’t they have crumpets for breakfast on a Tuesday?  Or a Thursday?!)  Saying yes feels good – it leads to ice creams and watergun fights and staying up late and tickle tournaments and “just one more cuddle Mummy”.  Saying yes also leads to opportunities and possibilities that I never even considered to be within my reach.

I’m working hard to learn to say no to that voice in my head that tells me I’m not good enough.  To say no to wasting time on stuff that dims my light when I could be working on stuff that makes it shine brighter.

In trying to get the balance right between yes and no, I’m working on creating the life that I want, and hopefully I’m encouraging the girls to recognise the importance of finding their own yes-no balance.

So here’s some questions for you:

In your life right now, what could you say yes to?  And what could you say no to?

I’d love to hear your answers, so please do leave them below in a comment.  Please feel free to share this blog post on social media too.  Thank you! 🙂