On Saturday I’m heading back down to London for the second time this week in order to attend Questival – The Quest Institute’s biennial conference and I CANNOT WAIT!

Firstly, it’s a chance to get together with friends and colleagues that I haven’t seen for a long time, partly due to geographical separation but mainly because of the busy-ness of all our lives.  I’m pretty certain that there is going to be a lot of Questie-love flying around the room and I feel like I’m long-overdue both giving and receiving a big dose of it.

Secondly, there are going to be some great talks and seminars throughout the day that will enhance my knowledge and give me even more tools that I can use within my work to help my clients move even further forwards towards who they want to be.

One of the seminars is being given by the keynote speaker – Dave Cornthwaite.  Having not heard of him until I booked my ticket to the conference, I thought I’d do a bit of investigating to find out what he’s all about.

It turns out his main message is about saying yes more.

Here’s his video (only 6 minutes long) – take a look:

Inspiring, right?

It reminded me a lot of myself as I was over a decade ago, travelling round Australia, sleeping in a car for 6 months, saying yes to every experience and opportunity I came across.  Hitch-hiking around New Zealand (ahem, don’t tell my Mum about that!), jumping out of planes, leaping off of bridges… It was awesome, in spite of the challenges and bumpy bits and not such fun stuff that it’s easy to forget about once you’re home and it’s all over.

When I came home, I grew up.  Now I’m married to a wonderful man, have three incredible daughters, a job I love, my own house, a fantastically supportive family and a handful of close friends that I love dearly.  I’m happy.  More than happy actually – I love my life.

It’s just that recently I’ve been feeling that there’s something missing, that I could be doing something more.  I’ve wondered if maybe I should be doing something different work-wise – perhaps focusing on my photography more, using the creative side of myself that I’d almost forgotton about.  I’ve considered moving us all to a different part of the country, thinking maybe that would help.  I’ve planned holidays and days out, furiously scribbling in my diary elaborate plans for our future life.  But nothing has changed how I’ve been feeling inside.

A few things have come to my attention over the last couple of days, maybe through coincidence, or maybe because I needed to recognise them:

1.  Today is the thirteenth anniversary of the September 11th attacks on the World Trade Centre.  This time 13 years ago I watched the towers crumble on the tiny TV in the corner of the lounge of the eating disorders unit I’d been admitted to.  I remember sitting on the edge of the frayed, saggy sofa, my hands over my mouth in shock.  The whole hospital was a frenzy of activity as people tried to get in touch with their loved ones.  And yet I just sat there wondering if I’d get home in time for my dinner, which had to be 7pm on the dot and not a millisecond later.  THAT was the thing that I was worrying about.  Not the fact that nearly 3,000 people lost their lives, or that London could be next, or any of the things that I should have been thinking about.  All I cared about was food.

2.  Yesterday, my friend Peter, who I met in a hostel in New Zealand and who became my bungee-jump-buddy and good friend, became a Dad for the first time.  The miracle of life once again reminding me of what’s most important in our time on this planet.

3.  I’ve been spending time thinking about and regretting turning down an opportunity to go to LA with some colleagues to do some intensive Coaching training with the top coaches in the field.  Even though I know I made the right decision not to go at this point in time, there is a small niggle in my head saying that maybe I said no because I don’t think I’m brave enough to do it – letting fear get in the way of things again.

4.  A lot of my conversations with my clients in London yesterday were centred around the ideas of fear and control.  My clients are scared – of many things.  And feeling that fear makes them want to control things, so that they feel safe.  So they try and control things and they think they feel a bit ‘safer’, but they’re still not happy.  So they try and control things even more and their world shrinks smaller and smaller until it’s not really a life that anybody would want to live.  And then when opportunities come along for them to begin to change, or to do something that they really want to do, they’re too scared to do it because what if it all goes wrong?  What if it doesn’t work out?  What if I make a fool of myself?  What if, what if, what if…?  All of those conversations have been buzzing around in my brain since last night, circling frantically, like a moth around a lightbulb.  I knew I was close to figuring something out… but what?

One sentence that really jumped out at me from Dave Cornthwaite’s video (above) was this:

“If we have control over anything in this world, it is how we choose to spend out time”

In 2001 I was choosing to spend my time trying to control food.  In 2006 my journey into motherhood began, and now, in 2014,  I’m choosing every day to spend my time trying to be the best Mum I can be to my girls.  I’m trying to teach them and show them that they can be whoever they want to be in this world and that being themselves and operating out of love rather than out of fear is the only route I know to being happy.

Sometimes I think I forget that in order to do that I have to do things for me too.  By choosing to spend some of my time nurturing myself, doing the stuff that I love to do and following my heart, I’m actually setting them a better example than if I’m constantly there with them.

And then it hit me: I need to say yes more.

I don’t want to say yes to everything, because I already know that I try and do too much.  I just want to say yes more.  And that means being brave.

I’ve let my world shrink a bit too far over recent months.  The dreams in my head not quite becoming reality because… well, because I’m scared.

So it’s going to be interesting to see what develops after hearing Dave Cornthwaite talk on Saturday.  I’m pretty sure his seminar, plus the other talks lined up on the day that I’m equally excited about, will be both incredibly insightful and immensely inspiring, and I’m already looking forward to sharing my learnings with you all on my blog.

So I’m going to leave you with a question or two to ponder:

~  What scares you?

and

~  What are you going to say yes to?

Leave your answers as a comment below along with any thoughts or insights that you’d like to share.