Please note: (29/1/2015) This blog was originally posted on 24th January 2015. I was asked to take it down, and out of respect, I did. I also removed all links from social media, as was requested of me. After a lot of careful thought, I am re-posting it (though not on social media), because this blog is my outlet, my therapy – it’s how I deal with what’s going on in my world and in my head. I have written it as sensitively as I could, and anyone can choose not to read it. We all have a right to express how we are feeling and what we are thinking, and there is so, so much more going on behind the message in this blog that no-one apart from my husband knows about. I’ll talk about it if/when I am ready to. I don’t want to offend anyone – this is just a representation of my views and opinions on life, love and living.
______
How many times do we need to be reminded that life is short?
Too many it seems.
At the beginning of December my Mum underwent major surgery. At the start of January my stepdaughter’s Mum had a massive operation on her spine. Both were relatively risky procedures and I worried about each of them endlessly until I knew they were well on their way to recovery – I think perhaps because my Nana’s death following an operation was still fresh in my mind. (Both surgeries were successful by the way, and my Mum and Sophie’s Mum are at their respective homes and doing well).
In the last couple of weeks I’ve learned that two friends/colleagues of mine have cancer. Both will be undergoing chemotherapy. They are among some of the least likely people I would expect to get cancer, but then I suppose cancer is indiscriminate – it doesn’t care who you are, how good a person you are, how well you live your life or how positive you are about things. It just strikes.
Three days ago we had another reminder – my husband’s Nan, the wonderful and irreplaceable Vera, passed away in her sleep after a short and upsetting battle against an extremely aggressive cancer that was discovered just over a month ago following a stroke she had at the beginning of December.
That’s three grandparents we’ve lost in just five short years. My Grandad (2010), my Nana (2013), and now Vera. Between us we only have two left now – Neil’s Grandad Ron (who will be 85 this year) and my Grannie Joan (95 this year).
Events like this really do make you re-assess. They wake you up out of the trance you’ve unwittingly slipped into and have been stuck in for goodness knows how long. It’s a sharp jerk back to reality that makes you question everything.
What the fuck am I doing with my life?
What have I done so far?
What do I still want to do?
What’s stopping me from doing it?
In all honesty I haven’t done many of the things on my list of ‘all the stuff I want to experience before I die’. And that scares me. A lot.
This trance I mentioned… it’s called ‘normality’.
We’ve let ‘normal’ life get in our way of doing, well, anything really. It has killed our sense of adventure.
Mortgage. Kids. Work. Money. Time. All our choices, and all used as excuses for not getting out there and doing something exciting.
I’m done with excuses.
We’re both working our asses off, not seeing enough of each other, not having enough adventures with our girls, opting for the safe choice every time. “Not yet, maybe next year.”
Not any more.
I want to say yes to more things. I want a challenge to undertake, a project to work on. Not just a personal one, like my #365happydays project. A real, life-changing challenge that will stretch me as far as I can go and then push me beyond that boundary. Something that I’m going to find tough, something that is going to scare me, and something that will help other people along the way. Something I’ve never done before. I want to have stories to tell our grandchildren, the way Vera told stories about her life at every opportunity she got to Neil and I.
This is me saying out loud my intention.
We’re nearly a month into 2015 already and I want to make this year extraordinary.
I have no idea how yet, I just know that I will.
(If anyone reading this has any flashes of inspiration, or would like to join me in whatever this adventure will end up being, please do feel free to comment or send an email to chloe@openmindhypnotherapy.co.uk – thanks).
Don’t wait for a wake-up call. Go and do what you want to do now. Don’t let anything stop you.
That once-in-a-lifetime holiday? Go and book it.
Waiting for the right moment to tell someone you love them? Do it now, don’t wait – the world needs more love in it.
Been dreaming of quitting your job and doing something different because in your deepest heart you know that’s what you’re meant to be doing? Hand in your notice.
Don’t wait.
I know it’s a cliché, but we really do only get one life and it’s up to us what we do with it. Don’t waste it. Make something of it.
Make it as extraordinary as you are.
Don’t wait.
Phone: +44 (0) 7794 595783
Email: chloe@openmindhypnotherapy.co.uk
Beautifuly written and so so ture we should look at our selves and do more with each other take care and God bless