Earlier on this week I came across this article on Facebook.  Please read it – it’s important.  It’ll make you question what the hell is going on in this world that our children are growing up in.

By the time I finished reading it I had gone through a kaleidoscope of different emotions and ended up feeling simultaneously shocked, horrified, angry and sad.  My friends felt the same, judging by their reactions and comments after I shared it on my own Facebook page.

Most of all though, I felt scared.

Scared that one day I might find something like this on the bedroom floor of one of my own daughters.  My eldest turns seven in December, and I think that’s why the article shook me up so much.  She’s too little to be feeling like that.  She’s too young to be thinking thoughts like that.  What if she already is?  How would I know?

In our house, the ‘f’ word is banned.

No, not that one.  The other one.

Fat.

I’ve never used it in front of my girls (and actually, I don’t say it even when they’re not around).  On the rare occasions that it does accidentally slip out, we talk about it and I gently explain that it’s not a word that we use.

I don’t buy fashion/gossip/women’s magazines.  Sometimes I get given them, and admittedly I do read them (although I usually end up feeling awful afterwards), but one thing I am always absolutely certain to make sure of is that my girls don’t ever see them.  They remain tucked away out of sight – I don’t want their young, impressionable, black-and-white minds influenced by what’s written in the media.

We don’t use the ‘d’ word either.

Diet.

Unless we’re talking about what makes up a healthy, balanced diet that is.  For us that equals fruit and veg, meat, fish, cheese, milk, yoghurts, baked beans, cereal, bread (both white and wholemeal) potatoes, pasta and rice.  Some organic, some non-organic.  Plus chips (occasionally), chocolate (sometimes), cake (every so often), biscuits (every once in a while), ice cream (in the summer) and other ‘unhealthy’ foods that kids like to eat.

I want my girls to grow up knowing that as long as they eat healthily most of the time, occasionally having something that’s less-than-healthy is absolutely ok.

I want them to see food as something to enjoy, to have fun tasting different things.

I want them to know that being active helps them feel good – not because they must exercise to conform to society’s ideal, but because it keeps them fit and healthy so they can go out and have the energy to do all the things they want to do.

I want them to know that they are not defined by the food they put in their mouth, or what they look like, or what size and shape they are.  That they are beautiful no matter what.  And also that they have so many more qualities within them than being beautiful, like being kind and grateful and imaginative and creative and inventive and caring and funny and thoughtful and loving and brave and energetic and supportive and fearless and strong and… you get the idea.

The one thing I have never done is feed them junk food (McDonalds’s, KFC etc…).  They’ve had it once or twice in their lives so far, but never from me.  When they’re older and they can make more of their own choices with regards to what they eat, that’s up to them and there will be nothing I can do about it.  I’m still trying to get my head around that one.

The thing is, I have no idea if what I’m doing is right.

I have no clue as to whether banning the use of the words ‘fat’ and ‘diet’ is the right thing to do.

They don’t get much say in what I feed them for lunch or dinner – maybe I could be giving them more of a choice and that would be better?

I try so hard to lead a good example for them to follow.  I keep any negative thoughts I might have about myself (because let’s face it, we all have them from time to time) inside my head – they have never seen me look in the mirror and make a derogatory comment about myself.  They see me eat healthy foods.  They see me eat not-so-healthy foods.  They know I like to get out of the house every day and have a walk.

Given my history, it has always been so important to me that my girls grow up without any issues around food.  It hasn’t quite turned out according to plan – there are the usual “I don’t like that”‘s and regular refusals to try new things that most kids have.  I’ve learnt to just let it go and trust that they’ll get there in their own time.  I never make them finish what’s on their plate if they don’t want it.

I hope with all my heart that I’m helping them to grow up knowing who they are and liking (and hopefully even loving) who they are.

I hope they grow up knowing that they are loved, and that they are always, always good enough.

I hope they grow up knowing that they have so much to offer the world – that there are infinite possibilities out there for them to explore and that they don’t have to be limited by anything or anyone, especially themselves.

I hope I’ve created a strong enough foundation of positive body image and a good enough sense of self esteem for them to build on as they get older.

I hope that I’ve done enough groundwork with them to help them to be wise enough to trust their own instincts and not follow the crowd.

I can’t see the future and that’s what makes it so hard I think.  The not knowing.  Never being sure if what I’m doing is helpful or harmful.  Not being able to protect them from outside influences at school or on TV or in books they read.

Parenting my girls is absolutely one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.  Harder than recovering from anorexia.  The unquestionable happiness and love I feel when I’m with them is unshakeable.  I know that I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got, and that that’s all I can do.

I just hope it’s enough…

I would love to find out your thoughts and feelings about the article in question, about this blog post, and about your own experiences in bringing up your children, so please do feel free to leave a comment below (or contact me directly if you prefer).