This time ten years ago I was on the verge of taking a huge leap of faith.

Quite literally.

Tomorrow is the ten year anniversary of the bungy jump I did whilst I was in New Zealand.  My bungy-buddy and fellow photography enthusiast Peter (you can check out his enviable photographic talent here) reminded me of the date – I had no idea.  It seems crazy that something that was so significant at that point in my life didn’t even make it onto my current radar.

Curious, I hunted out my journal from the time, wanting to find out more about the girl I once was.  Here’s an extract:

“…Then suddenly it was my turn.  So I went and got all roped up and I have to admit that I felt a little bit reassured at how tightly they pulled the ropes around my ankles.  So I shuffled to the edge of the platform, and the last thing I said was “Please don’t push me!”.  The instructor shouted “3…2…1…jump!” and I went!  I knew that if I hesitated, even for a millisecond, I wouldn’t be able to do it, so I  just dived and it was awesome!!!!”

Looking back now, it seems utterly surreal.  I remember feeling completely terrified and overwhelmingly excited as I stood on the edge of the platform, my legs shaking with adrenaline in an intensity that remained un-matched until I gave birth to the first of my daughters (just two and a half years later!).

Diving head-first towards a sparkling turquoise river attached to nothing more than several hundred strands of elastic twisted together to form a rope seems like total madness, especially considering the fact that even though I was at a much healthier weight that I had been, I still had a diagnosis of osteoporosis and any sharp or sudden movements could still realistically snap my bones as if they were twigs.

And yet, I did it.  I wanted to.  I had set out to do it, and I was damn well going to do it.  Nothing was going to stop me from achieving it.  I had no other experiences to compare it to, no frame of reference to judge it by – I just had to trust that my decision to do it was the right one and that I would be ok.

As I’ve been writing this post I’ve been thinking that somewhere during the last ten years I’ve lost that.  That feisty willfullness.  That driven determination.  That ‘feel-the-fear-and-do-it-anyway’ attitude.  The openness to adventure.  I even allowed myself to feel a little bit sad for what I thought I couldn’t get back.

But now, right now in this very second, I’ve realised that I haven’t lost anything.

In the last ten years I’ve had many moments where I’ve been scared of doing something or of making a decision, but I’ve gone ahead and done it anyway.  There have been hundreds (if not thousands!) of points where I’ve really questioned whether or not I was doing the right thing, but chose to follow my gut.  I’ve set myself plenty of goals and targets and things to achieve, and have been determined enough to see them through to the end.

So maybe the girl from ten years ago is still in there somewhere.  Maybe she’s stronger than I’ve been letting myself believe.

We’re always faced with decisions to make and challenges to overcome – that’s what life is.  I’ve been reminded that I can be as fearless as I choose to be, and that’s a really important lesson for me to hold on to.

I’d like to ask you all to take a moment or two to play along by taking part in a short exercise.  You might be surprised at what you could begin to rediscover about yourself that you’d forgotten about up until now…

Just take a moment to close your eyes and think back to the you that you were ten years ago…  What were you like then..?  What qualities and resources did you have back then that you feel you’ve lost..?  Now look more closely at yourself as you are now – have you really lost all those things..?  Or are they actually still very much a part of you, and its just that you are using them in a different way now..?  Now that you’ve found them, how could you apply them to those areas of your life that aren’t quite working out as you want them to at the moment..?  How could they help you become more of the you that you want to be, the you that you’ve always been..?

I’d love to find out your experiences (and the key lesson you learned about yourself) from taking part – please do leave your thoughts and feelings below and feel free to share your memories.

I’ll look forward to hearing from you soon – I’m off to find my next adventure 😉

PS:  Incidentally, my next adventure in New Zealand was only a month later – I did a skydive!