So, Christmas has been and gone in it’s usual whirlwind way, and naturally many people’s thoughts are beginning to turn towards the start of the New Year.

Many of my clients make New Year Resolutions.  Some stick to them.  Most don’t.  The thing with resolutions is often that the intention and desire to make changes is there, but the thing that’s always got in the way of you achieving those goals before is still there too.  Until that changes, those resolutions will remain unresolved.  (*Warning – brief sales pitch coming up*).  This is where Cognitive Hypnotherapy comes in – it could help you work through and get rid of that stuff that gets in the way, leaving you free to be the you that you want to be. (*Sales pitch over*).

If you are going to make resolutions this year, it helps if you write your resolutions down on paper.  I’ve spoken on my blog before about the power of Promise Cards.  Something about seeing it written down in black and white makes it more real, more do-able than if it’s just some words floating around inside your head.  It helps even more if you tell someone close to you what you are promising to yourself you are going to do – it means that person can hold you accountable if they see you deviating from your promise, and they call you on it and give you the opportunity to turn things around.  The thing that helps most is making those resolutions as positive statements.  Steer clear of the statements about giving stuff up and focus more on the choices that you could make instead… “I promise myself that I will choose to ___________ every week” for example.

Personally though, I’m not going to make any resolutions this year.

I’m choosing to reflect instead.

In my various meanderings around the internet I came across an article entitled ’10 Questions To Ask Yourself Before The End Of The Year’.  Normally I don’t bother with stuff like that, but something inside me told me to click the link.  And I’m really glad I did.

Here are my answers:

1. What did I learn this year?

I learned that there is always a choice.

I knew that already, but various scenarios throughout the last 12 months have reinforced it for me.  There is always a choice in how you respond to a situation.  There is always a choice in how you decide you are going to feel about something.  There is always a choice in the thoughts that you are thinking.  It usually ultimately comes down to choosing protection or growth.  Fear or love.  I’m learning to choose love.  Every time.

2. What was my greatest accomplishment?

Trusting in my decisions.

I had some awesome opportunities this year – an invitation to audition to become part of a team of trainers within Quest; the possibility of going to Los Angeles for a week to train with some of the top coaches in the world;  the chance to work alongside a much-respected photographer…  Plus many other, smaller-but no-less-significant moments that I could have taken advantage of.  Some of them I chose to say yes to, and some of them I chose to say no to.  The “no’s” weren’t easy decisions to make, especially following the ‘Say Yes More’ seminar I attended at Questival in September.  But they were the right decisions for myself and my family at the time, and I trusted myself in making those choices.  I’m proud of that.  And I have no regrets about the decisions I made.

3. Where did I fail?

I shouted too much at my girls – I put doubts in their minds that they were anything other than completely and utterly loved for who they are.  I sulked and gave the silent treatment after misunderstandings with my husband instead of talking it out honestly straight away.   I had days where I didn’t do my best work with my clients because I had other stuff on my mind or was too tired to think straight.  I compared myself far too often with other people and stumbled slightly into the trap of old behaviours (which I thankfully recognised and have taken action on).  I didn’t see my Mum or call my Dad often enough…  I’m sure that there are plenty more things I could list.

The thing with all of these though is that I recognise that ultimately they are not failures.  They are mistakes that I made because I’m not perfect – I’m human! – and they are things that I need to learn from so that I don’t make those same mistakes again.

4. Is there anyone who deserves a big thank you?

My husband.  For continuing to support me and make compromises for me.  For letting me be me and loving me for it.  And for being there with strong arms through all the tough days.

My daughters.  For challenging me and teaching me and letting me experience the world through their eyes and ideas.   Also for giving the best ‘squeezy cuddles’ and for constantly astonishing me with their individuality.

My family and friends.  For being there when I need them to be, whether it’s in person or on the other end of the phone.  For believing in me.

My clients.  For all the hard work they put in to making changes and for motivating me to continue with the work I do because I want to see them be free.

5. What moment was most memorable and why?

Saying “I do”.  Actually, it wasn’t just that moment in particular that was most memorable – the whole day was incredible and I wouldn’t have changed a single second of it.

Our wedding day represented the ten years of our relationship that we’ve had so far – the evolution of ‘us’ both as individuals and as a couple.  We’ve worked damn hard over the years to create this wonderfully messy and chaotic and loving and challenging thing that we have together, and we work damn hard every day to make sure that we keep it that way.

Everyone who matters to us was present (except for the few who couldn’t be there but who we know were there in spirit with us).  The friends we each brought with us as well as those we’ve met and made along the way.  Our families, now connected.  And of course our four daughters who bind us together in the best possible way.

6. What are my fears?

On a surface level:  Hospitals.  Swimming in the sea.  Vomit.

At a deeper level:  Falling asleep at the wheel of my car and killing my family.  Someone I love getting cancer and/or dying.

At the deepest level:  That I’m screwing up my daughters and making a mess of my most important role.  That I’m just not cut out to be a parent.  That I am just not good enough.

7. What do I need to do more of? 

Sleep more.  Play more.  Laugh more.  Hug and kiss more.  Say yes more to the big (and little!) things that matter.  Be more present.  Love more.

8. What do I need to stop doing?

Stressing about stuff that I cannot control.  Blaming myself.  Doubting myself.  Comparing myself to others. Letting old stuff get in the way.

9. What are three goals I want to accomplish in 2015?

~  Improve my photography (with the eventual aim of getting to a more professional standard).  Actually start the online course I bought over a year ago.  Make connections with photographer friends.  Try out new ideas and techniques.  Buy some kit to get me started.

~  Get more balance (literally and figuratively).  I’ve been talking about taking up yoga for the past 8 years.  I’ve found a class that fits with the family schedule.  Now all I have to do is show up.

~  Take more risks.  I play things so safe all the time.  It’s time to explore more of what’s out there.

10. What will I do to achieve these goals?

Be brave.  Break the rules.  Work hard.  Keep things simple.  Stay focused on what’s important.

Interestingly, I found the first three questions the hardest to answer – it took me a couple of days to find my responses.  It’s been a useful exercise – a combination of both reflecting on the last 12 months and looking forwards to the year ahead.

I’d love to know your answers to these questions, so if you feel like sharing them please do feel free to leave them as a comment below.  I’d also be very grateful if you would share this post with anyone you know who you think migh find it useful.

Thanks for reading. 🙂

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