This week has been difficult.  I’ve had to make some tough choices over the last couple of days that have tested me further than I have been for a while.  As with everything, there was a build up to the point of no return, and looking back now I can see exactly how it happened…

At the beginning of December I picked up a cough from my daughters.  I didn’t think much of it at first, figuring that it would go after a week or so.

It didn’t.

I had to cancel several clients and even came home early from a day at Harley Street – violently coughing through sessions isn’t really conducive to helping people through their issues.  I didn’t go to a Quest weekend where I was due to be assisting students on their journey to become fully qualified Cognitive Hypnotherapists.  Christmas and New Year came and went without me really feeling much better, but carrying on regardless because, well, that’s just what I do.

Then on New Years Day I started feeling even more ill.  I waited and waited (for another 10 days in all), refusing to go to the doctor because a/ I had more important things to do with my time, and b/ I know that my body is perfectly capable of getting itself better on it’s own.

Eventually though, I gave in.  I reluctantly made an appointment with the doctor and came away with a diagnosis of severe sinusitis, a weeks worth of antibiotics and a telling-off for not having gone in sooner.

Last Friday I was supposed to be auditioning to become part of the training team that delivers the Cognitive Hypnotherapy Diploma Course for Quest.  It’s something I’ve been wanting to do for a very long time.  But on Thursday evening the pain was so bad that I knew there was no way I could go to my audition, let alone give it my all in the way I needed to so that I could possibly be accepted onto the team.  So I sadly withdrew my application.

Then, at the weekend I was supposed to be assisting on the course again.  Still feeling no better I realised that I wasn’t well enough to go, so I made some more phone calls.  Having already missed the previous weekend of the course I knew my absence was letting people down – the students and Quest were counting on me to be there to support them and I wasn’t able to do that consistently enough.  So I decided to withdraw from the rest of the course.

Making these choices has been extremely tough.  Quest is like family to me and I’ve reached the point in my work where I want to become more involved.  I’m also ready now to expand my business in different ways.  I really wanted to take advantage of these opportunities and I’m frustrated that I’m now not able to.

I’ll admit to being quite harsh with myself in the lead up to making the decisions – all my ‘not good enough’ issues re-surfacing to taunt me.  However, now that the emotions have lessened I know that they were the right decisions to make.  I’ve had a weekend of not doing very much at all – giving my body the chance to recover and letting the medicine start working – and I’m beginning to feel a tiny bit better.

I’ve also had some time to reflect on what I need to take out of this – I firmly believe that there is a lesson in every challenge.

 

This time I think that the learning is about focus.  I’ve been trying to do too much for too long, spreading myself too thin, and as a consequence I’ve been doing lots of things in a mediocre way.  I’ve been working with clients, but perhaps not to the best of my capability.  I’ve been present with my girls, but not fully connected.  I’ve been listening to conversations with friends and family, but not absorbing everything properly to be able to support them in the ways I want to.

This is not how I like to be.

If I’m going to do something, I do it as well as I possibly can.

And so, once more I’ve been reminded to focus on what is most important.  My clients are the core of my business world, and helping them is my main priority work-wise.

My girls, Neil, my family and my friends are at the centre of my personal world and being with them is my main priority home-wise.

Those are the things I need to focus on right now.  They are what is most important.  The other stuff can wait.  The opportunities will come around again, and when they do, I’ll be even more ready for them. Or perhaps I can create something entirely different that could take me forwards in ways I haven’t even considered yet. Who knows?

Either way,  I’m trusting that these tough choices have had to be made at the right time for me.  I’m planning to keep it simple for the next few months and focus on those things that matter most.

I’m still learning that it’s ok to change plans.  It’s ok for what you thought was going to happen to not work out in the way you wanted it to.  It’s ok to take a step back sometimes and look at the bigger picture and recognise that it’s different to your original vision.  And sometimes changing those plans, or things not working out, or realising that the bigger picture has altered from what you first saw can be the very thing that means that you can take a step closer to being more of the you that you want to be.

I’m curious to find out your experiences of making tough decisions and of things not going quite according to plan that actually turned out for the best.  Feel free to share them with me below in the comments 🙂

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