Today is Wednesday 8th May 2013, and today is my 30th birthday.

I’ve approached this day with a variety of emotions over the last 12 months – everything from indifference, trepidation and worry, to excitement, curiosity and anticipation.  After all, there was a time when I didn’t think I was going to see my 18th birthday, let alone my 30th, so even just being here feels like an achievement in itself.

A long time ago I remember saying that I was hoping that turning thirty would help me actually feel like the grown up I’m supposed to be.  Ridiculous right?  I mean, I have three children, I own my own house and I run my own business – how on earth could my ‘grown-up’ status be questionable?  But even so, in my head I still felt that I was stuck in a time warp as my sixteen year old self – insecure, too innocent for my own good and fearful of anything and everything new.

Then one day, someone pointed out that it’s actually pretty ELOC to think like that – why would just another day on the calendar change anything and magically increase my confidence and give me the bravery to do the things I wanted to do?

I went away and thought about this for a long time, and eventually, after a good deal of soul-searching, I realised that my age has absolutely nothing to do with how I feel on the inside (I know, I know – obvious huh?). If I wanted to feel brave and confident, and happy being me, I had to find it within myself.  That’s when I decided to set myself a challenge, and the ’30 Things Before I’m 30′ project was born.  I chose thirty things that I wanted to do by my thirtieth birthday, and I’ve been blogging about it throughout the last year.

Unfortunately though, with all the changes and transformations my website has been through over the last few months, the original blog post and all the subsequent posts I’ve written for each of the things I’ve ticked off the list are lost somewhere out there in the murky and infinite world of cyberspace 🙁

So I’ve re-posted the list below.  Some have been achieved (hooray!), and some are still a work in progress and will be achieved at some point in the hopefully not-too-distant future (and I’m ok with that):

1. Butterfly tattoo: I have the design, I just need to find the bravery to book an appointment to go and have it done!

2. Start running: Hmmm… I bought a pair of trainers and downloaded the ‘Couch to 5k’ app… does that count?! 😉

3. Do a 5k (or maybe even a 10k!) run for charity: I’ve made a list of dates for local charity runs.  Now all I need to do is figure out which one I want to do and sign up for it.  I work better under a bit of pressure – I think that having a deadline day will kick start me into action re: #2 above.

4. Join a yoga class

5. Grow sunflowers:  We tried, honestly we did, but the slugs ate them all! 🙁  However, we did plant some other bulbs, and grew these lovely flowers.

6. Go to New  York City: Postponed until my 40th.

7. Photography lessons

8. Full body massage

9. Day at a spa

10. Pay off my overdraft

 

11. Write more:  This one is interesting – I had no idea how this was going to manifest because it was pretty vague.  I’ve definitely done more blogging in the last twelve months, and I’ve also had articles published in the Hypnotherapy Journal (a magazine for NCH members) and Perception (The Quest Institute’s quarterly e-zine).  I’m in the planning stages of writing an eating disorders training course, and a book is in the pipeline too.

12. Learn to dance

13. Go and see live comedy: I went to see Michael McIntyre and laughed so hard that my tummy muscles hurt for days afterwards – highly recommended!

 

 

 

 

 

14. Get myself a smartphone:  I finally got up to date and joined the modern world late last year, and being more connected is making a big difference in many ways.  And I’ve been pleasantly surprised to find that I’m able to switch off and unplug when I want to as well.

15. Buy myself a beautiful pair of shoes

16. Give red lipstick a try:  This one took a lot of courage!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

17. Read more:  Since picking up a book last summer for the first time in years, I’ve discovered that young children and quiet time to sit down and read just don’t mix!  As a result, the best time for me to read is while I’m on the train as it’s pretty much the only time I get to myself.  Plus it makes the time pass much more quickly!

18. See a magic show. Or Derren Brown:  I went to see Derren Brown’s new show ‘Infamous’ about a month ago, and I’m still trying to process it all!  Absolutely incredible.

 

 

 

 

 

19. Learn to juggle

20. Start a savings account (and actually put some money into it)

21. Ride on the back of a motorbike

22. Get the back garden looking pretty

23.  Bake a cake: I remember baking with my Mum a lot when I was younger – lemon cake, chocolate brownies, butterfly cakes.  I’m trying to carry on the tradition with my three girls, but if I’m honest, my efforts are a bit hit and miss and my partner usually steps in to save the day.  I wanted to bake a cake all by myself, and what better one to make than my own 30th birthday cake?!  I have to say I’m actually quite proud of myself 🙂

24. Write down three positives every single day: This is a task I set for every sinlge one of my clients, no matter what issue they come to see me for help with, because it really can make such a huge difference to your levels of happiness and wellbeing.  I rarely took the time to do it myself though, which is why I included it in this project.  Most days I do it, and I definitely notice a change in my mood if I miss a couple of days.  Plus it’s wonderful looking back over the months and remembering all the magic moments I’ve been a part of 🙂

25. Buy an ipod:  I was lucky enough to be given an ipod for Christmas, already loaded with a playlist of all my favourite songs 🙂

26. Update my music collection:  Getting there with this one!  Still lots more artists out there to discover, so further recommendations are always appreciated!

27. Give up hot chocolate

28. Take a risk

29. Do more of what makes me happy:  Absolutely – I’ve been taking more photos, spending more time with the people who are most important to me and writing.

30. Make peace with / let go of the rest of my demons:  A few unplanned and impromptu therapy sessions and I’m so much closer to this than I thought possible.  I’m feeling more authentic, genuine and ‘me’ than I ever have done before, and that’s good place to be.  Still work to be done though.

Looking back, it’s been a hell of a year in many, many ways.  I’ve been faced with unexpected challenges and difficult times both personally and professionally.  And although they felt really hard at the time, I now realise that as a result of those difficulties and struggles I’ve been able to create new and exciting opportunities and I’ve discovered parts of me that I didn’t know existed, because I’ve had to dig down deep inside myself to find the resilience, determination and perseverance I’ve needed to get me through.

I’ve also had some wonderful moments of clarity, connection, happiness and overwhelming love.  I’ve achieved far, far more than has been ticked off the list, and learnt an awful lot about myself along the way.

I’ve enjoyed doing the project so much that I’ve already got ideas in head for my ’40 Things Before I’m 40′ project (and I’ve got a whole decade to tick all of those off the list!), and I’ve got many more ideas to put into action in the meantime.

For now though, I’m going to enjoy today 🙂

Thank you for all of the birthday wishes that so many of you have already sent through to me – friends, family, clients and colleagues.  It means so much to know you are all out there, and for helping me to make my birthday so special in so many different ways.

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