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The question is, what can we do about this, and how can we use it to make sure that our relationships stay strong in spite of the differences between ourselves and our partners? Most couples don’t separate because they don’t love each other, they separate because they don’t understand each other.
So when two people love each other enough to be together, how can it seem so difficult to be happy, feel close, valued, loved and understood? Trevor Silvester (the founder of Cognitive Hypnotherapy) is the author of “Lovebirds: How to live with the one you love” – a book that not only explains why, it also shows you how to stop that being the case, and how to use what once might have driven you apart to bring you closer together.
The book contains two quizzes designed to help you identify your Lovebird type. It then goes on to describe the general characteristics of each type, as well as how combinations of different types in a relationship can work together to live in harmony instead of conflict.
Below is a clip of Trevor talking on the Steve Wright show on BBC Radio 2:
He has also appeared on BBC Breakfast News to talk about the book:
This isn’t just a case of me plugging Trevor’s book though (brilliant as it is)
“Lovebirds” actually forms the foundations of the Relationship Coaching that I offer, and is a vital part of Project You 2…
Project You 2 is Relationship Coaching with a difference. It’s an individually tailored programme of sessions designed to help couples recognise and (perhaps more crucially) understand the differences between them so that they can then utilise those differences to help make their relationship stronger.
So how does it work?
For the initial session, both of you need to attend together. You will both need to have read the “Lovebirds” book and to have worked out your individual Lovebird ‘types’. You’ll each get the opportunity to share and talk about your perspective, ideas and feelings about what’s going on in your relationship, and we’ll explore in depth what it is you each want to achieve out of our sessions together.
It may be beneficial (and in some cases, necessary) to see each of you individually for a session or two, to resolve any personal limiting beliefs that may be getting in the way of the two of you being the best you can be together.
In between sessions I’ll be asking you to complete various tasks – some individually, some together. Each task is designed to get you to think about and action various aspects of your relationship.
What’s really important to remember is that a successful outcome doesn’t necessarily mean that you stay together. If that’s what you both decide you are looking to achieve, then absolutely that’s what we will work towards. Keep in mind though that some people don’t. What I’m always mindful of is that the two of you need to make whatever decision is best for you.