Somehow, we are nearly halfway through September already.  I’m not quite sure how this has happened.  We got back from our ‘summer’ holiday in Cornwall just a week ago, and already the mornings are noticeably chillier and the streets are quietly being littered with golden leaves – Autumn is most definitely upon us.

On Wednesday my girls went back to school, loaded down with new rucksacks, new lunchboxes, new uniforms and new shoes, ready to embark on another year of new learnings, new (and old) friendships and new challenges.  A new headmistress, a new curriculum and new class teachers to get to know.

So much new-ness.

My eldest and my youngest daughters were super excited to be going back, and have been counting down the days until they would get to see their friends again, find out what their topics are for the term and get to know their teachers.  They woke up early, got dressed eagerly and thoroughly inspected the contents of their lunchboxes, all before 7.30am.

My middle daughter, however, has been dreading the return to school ever since the last day of term in July.  We’ve had numerous occasions over the summer where there have been heartbreaking tears and horrendous tantrums because she didn’t want to go back, and she frequently expresses a wish that I could homeschool her.  She has a good group of friends and an excellent record of behaviour and attitude, but she really struggles with the work – she says that she finds it difficult (although observing her on the outside you would never know) and is convinced that she makes more mistakes than everyone else and always gets things wrong.  It’s affecting her self esteem and confidence in her abilities.  Of course I’m doing everything I can to help and encourage her and I just hope that it makes a difference somewhere.

So it’s a been a bit of a mixture emotions-wise in our house over the last couple of weeks.

As for me? I didn’t really want them to go back.  I’ve loved having them home during the seven-and-a-half-week long summer break.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s absolutely not been all rainbows and glitter – there have been plenty of rough days, where one or all of us has been grumpy or tired or shouty or down for no particular reason.  But there have also been many, many wonderful moments (and sometimes even whole days!) of fun and quality time together and adventures.  I feel like I’ve got to know each of them so much better during the time we’ve had together – they have all constantly surprised me with the little things they come out with and ideas & opinions they have on different topics.  They are growing up before my eyes and more and more often I’m catching glimpses of who they’re going to be.

If I could homeschool them all, I would.

But, the mortgage and bills need to be paid and for that to happen my husband and I both need to work, so back to school they’ve gone.

I’ve been left feeling both a little bit lost and a little bit like I’ve got some space to breathe again (because having them home 24/7 is pretty intense).

And, three days in, I’m beginning to realise just how important it is to have that space to breathe.

When the girls are with me, I do my very best to be present.  I certainly don’t always achieve it – I’m as guilty as everyone else in terms of checking my emails or having a quick scroll through Instagram from time to time, or for saying “In a minute!” and that minute never actually arriving.  But I try.  I organise playdates for them, get out the arts and crafts box (with a tiny sigh – I have to be honest!), take them for days out to fun places.  I read with them, build Lego with them, play cards with them, have conversations with them.  They come first, because I want them to remember growing up surrounded by love and joyful moments (both big and small).

However, them coming first means that everything else comes second.  That’s my choice and I’m absolutely ok with it.  It just means I’ve not been able to pay attention to other things that are also important.  I’ve not had the time, the space or, quite frankly, the energy to do so.

But, now that the girls are back at school and I have that little bit of space to breathe, I feel like can re-focus my attention and time and energy on other things for the six hours that they aren’t with me:

My business

My home

My marriage

Me

It feels like each area needs attention in different ways.  I had a little time to consider it all while we were on holiday, but its only really since school started and in between seeing clients, commuting to London and back, attending meetings and conducting supervision sessions that I’ve been thinking more about what I want to work on.   I have lots of ideas and plans and things I want to explore, but they all feel like one big jumble in my head right now.  They need organising and putting into some sort of cohesive structure so I can figure out where I want to start, because at the moment it feels cluttered, messy and disorganised.

And so, just as the girls have gone back to school equipped with new things, it seemed only fair that I re-stocked my stationary supplies too…

(Confession:  I have a bit of a fetish for stationary…!)

I treated myself to these gorgeous notebooks, journals and planners and I can’t wait to get my thoughts down on paper.  I have no idea what I’ll be filling them with yet, but whatever it is, I’m looking forward to it.

I don’t think it really matters whether you have children or not – the ‘back to school’ feel that September brings seems to have an effect on many people.  I’ve had numerous conversations with clients and supervisees over the last few days about how they’re feeling right now – some are mourning the loss of summer and feeling a bit ‘flat’ – not really sure where they want to go next.  And some are choosing to embrace the new season as a time of possibility and an opportunity to put plans into action and make changes.  Both hold the potential for you to move forwards, whether it’s with certainty & excitement or with trepidation at not really knowing.  Remember, not knowing is ok (something I feel like I’m continually having to remind myself of).

Whatever you choose to make of September, I hope that it takes you a step or two closer to the you that you want to be.  I’m sure I’ll be sharing some of my thoughts with you when they are slightly clearer in my mind – I’d love it if you shared some of your ideas here with me too.  You never know – your words might be just what someone needed to hear today.

Please feel free to share is post with anyone you think might find it useful, and thanks for reading 🙂